Couldn't I do something out of the box; something so totally out of character for me that it would catch the world unawares. The safe, well-trodden path has always been the one I've followed. Maybe a trifle too religiously. Doing the right thing or mouthing the right lines.. No, I am not contemplating a self-bashing session here. Neither am I going to wallop in self pity. Its just that sometimes I wish my life was a little different. Where the jaded, cynical part of me would either take a hike or conversely, tell people to f*** off, directly!!
Where the child in me could feel the thrill of seeing the ocean for the first time.. where the dreamer in me could implement the thousand and one beautiful thoughts i'd envisioned...where the gypsy in me could roam around without a care in the world..where the adult in me could enjoy the smell of the wet earth after the first rains in gay abandon.
Hopes, dreams, aspirations, expectations and then the crash-landing to reality. It hurts.
There are so many things I feel strongly about. And after the 19 odd years of being fed the half truth that my opinion matters, I have opinions about most things in the world. It would have been a lot better if I didn't. That way, I wouldn't have to suffer the ignominy of keeping my mouth shut when I should be speaking out; for fear of ruffling feathers in the name of respect and etiquette.
I wouldn't have to suffer the tag of being rude or impolite when I finally mustered enough courage to voice those thoughts.
I wish I could do something about (in the lack of a better phrase) "some things" :D rather than writing about it. Like the proposed 49.5 % reservation in IITs/IIMs; other than signing some arbitrary petition i.e. Like standing up and pointing out to a teacher that just because I'm a girl doesn't imply that my (rather excellently done) welding job has to be done by a guy. Like saying no to things I don't want to do. Like gagging a certain Mr. Himesh Reshammiya. Like telling my parents and friends how much they mean to me. Like actually getting down to study for my exams which start two days hence..
Teenage angst, someone told me, is a good thing. There, another thing to be sad about. I'm not going to be a teenager for much longer. How then will I explain these ravings and rantings and totally random musings.